My Song of Myself

(This is adapted from a social media post I made during Pride Month last year–June 2025)

Warning: This is a brutally honest post, one in which I am going to wear my heart on my sleeve. You can clearly see that I have posted a rainbow flag to show my support and love for the LGBTQ people in my life. I want my LGBTQ daughter, brother, nephew, cousins, students, ward members, and multiple friends to know that I am there for them. I know this makes many of my friends, particularly those in Utah, either mad or uncomfortable, which I think is sad. The legislature in my state has made it illegal to display a flag in any government building, including public schools, which I also find sad. In the last week, the governor of Utah has decided not to recognize June as Pride Month, but instead nonsensically calls it ‘Fidelity Month.’”

As reported by Emily Anderson Stern in The Salt Lake Tribune, “Since making history as the first Utah governor to recognize LGBTQ+ Pride Month, Spencer Cox has over the last few Junes backed away from declaring his support for that community, until he issued no declaration at all last year. Now, in his sixth year leading the state, Cox quietly signed a declaration dubbing June ‘Fidelity Month’ and signaling a continued shift to the right for the leader who once described himself as ‘an ally to the LGBTQ community.’ I find the change cowardly.

Being LGBTQ is often a hard road, particularly in Utah. Let me share a few facts with you: 50% of LGBTQ youth in Utah seriously considered suicide in the past year. 17% of LGBTQ youth in Utah attempted suicide in the past year. 39% experienced threat or harm based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Research consistently finds that LGBTQ youth who live in accepting communities and feel high social support from family and friends report significantly lower rates of attempting suicide. Is it too much to ask that we recognize the LGBTQ community one month of the year to show our love for them and the contributions they make to society?

Several years ago, Cary, the son of my dear cousin Kay approached me about being gay and shared his strong desire to remain a part of LDS culture. He was at a loss for how to negotiate being a gay Mormon. I still vividly remember the conversation we had. We were at a family gathering at my grandparents’ 1st Ward meeting house in downtown Provo.

He asked me as a trusted family member, and one of the few active Melchizedek priesthood holders in the family, if I would give him a blessing. We found an empty classroom on the second floor of the old building and chatted about his desire to be included, but his not knowing how to make it happen. My heart filled with love for Cary. He was caught between what seemed to be two incompatible worlds. I had given many priesthood blessings, but the words did not come easily for me as they normally did. Not having mental health training, I expressed my love for him and did my best to refer him to those with better training than I. Sadly, he took his life a few weeks later. I often look back and wonder what I could have done differently. It’s one of the great tragedies of my life and undoubtedly his mom’s. The world lost a gentle, kind, and talented person that day.

As an active member of the LDS Church, it is sometimes hard for me to reconcile the challenges of LGBTQ members with church doctrine. I have many questions that are not easily answered. I have found it helpful not to villainize either side as we try to love as the Savior would have us love. I am encouraged by the words of former Apostle, M. Russell Ballard: “We need to listen to and understand what our LGBTQ brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past.” 

Some people fear the flag and the LGBTQ ideals they represent. That is not the way I feel. The Pride flag is a reminder to me that all people need to be loved, gay or straight, and treated with basic human dignity. Whenever I see the Pride Flag, I smile. It is a comfort to me that someone else has my sweet, talented daughter’s back.